A Hard Decision, Pt. 1

This is just sort of something I decided to write on a whim, and figured I’d post here. Written in first person because I can.

Nelra, Texas is a fictional town in Collin County. The name is 100% inspired by King of the Hill’s Arlen.
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At the beginning of my junior year of high school, it seemed to most that I was set up for success. I was in AP Calculus, AP English, AP French III, and AP US History, as well as pre-AP Physics. I was taking psychology and sociology. I was a GT kid, though there was no longer a specific class for it, and, while I didn’t know my exact class ranking, I was in the higher ranks, it was certain. And everyone knew I was smart, definately smart enough to handle all of this. My hair was finally learning to behave itself (for the most part), and I looked alright in my new clothes. Besides, my name was Alaia – Basque for “joy”. How could I not be happy?

But that was just the thing: I wasn’t happy. I was dreading the first day of school, because there was no way I wanted to step into the theater. I’d been placed in the second class, which, while that was good, I supposed, it wasn’t good enough for me. I was loathe to spend another year being second-best. but I’d committed, so I would do it.

I’d managed most of the summer to keep my discontent mostly to myself. I’d even gone to an acting camp over the summer to prepare for a regional competition. Sure, I lost sleep over it, but as long as everyone thought I was okay, then I was, right?

A little bit about my personal life at the time. I lived in Nelra, Texas, which is near Dallas. I had just turned 16 over the summer, but didn’t even have a driving permit yet. Family life was a little tough, since we were in a bit of debt, but we were getting by somehow. There was some issues in the extended family, but I could usually ignore that unless the aunt and uncle in question came up. I spent most of my time on the computer, chatting with my friends via Trillian Basic. Mostly, I chatted with five people: Sunny, near San Francisco, who was a fanfic writer for two of my favorite fandoms; Pearl, near Memphis that was a blast to talk to; Wendi, near Houston that I loved to role-play with and that I loved to talk to; and my two best friends, both of whom lived here in Nelra, Miranda and Latoya.

It was about two weeks before school started when I was up late, talking to Sunny about how I didn’t want school to start back up. She asked which class I was dreading the most, and, I had to be honest with her: it was theater.

I ended up spilling the entire thing about how I hated being in the second class, and how, while I deserved the placement for the audition I gave the teacher, I felt like he’d known me all year, and that he should have known me well enough to put me in the top class, especially when girls who didn’t work half as hard as I did were moved up.

GlimmerousFops: Yeah, that does seem kind of suckish.
LeilaKalomi: I just feel like total *crap* whenever I’m in second class.
GlimmerousFops: Well, if it’s not making you feel good about yourself, it’s probably not good for you.
LeilaKalomi: But if I dropped it, my friend would be majorly pissed at me.
GlimmerousFops: Is keeping that friend worth your happiness?

It was at this point that I turned to Latoya to talk to her, since she knew the friend in question (Miranda), where Sunny didn’t.

LeilaKalomi: Is it bad that I want to drop theater?
Heirofrosetorrio: …Um, why?
LeilaKalomi: I don’t want to spend another year in second class.
Heirofrosetorrio: Do you still want to be a theater teacher?
LeilaKalomi: I don’t know.
LeilaKalomi: I do, but at the same time, I’m wondering if I’m any good at it.
Heirofrosetorrio: You *are* good at it. I mean, the reason I quit choir was that I was tired of being in second band. But I didn’t want to make a career out of it.
Heirofrosetorrio: Do you want to be a theater teacher because that’s all you’ve considered, or are you really sure?
LeilaKalomi: To be honest, I haven’t considered much else. But Miranda would be so upset if I dropped choir.
Heirofrosetorrio: Don’t let it be about other people. Make it about you. Focus on where you are, where you want to be, and then fill in the gaps.
LeilaKalomi: Psychology sounds kind of interesting, actually… I like helping people sort through their problems.
Heirofrosetorrio: You’d be good at psychology, I think. Though I wonder what it would be like to be scared of my best friend.
Heirofrosetorrio: I still have that fear of counselors, psychologists, and the like.
LeilaKalomi: Well, I can always try it, and if it doesn’t work out, I can drop theater at semester.
Heirofrosetorrio: That you can.

So I had my plan: I would at least do the first semester of Theater, which also gave me time to do the regional auditions I wanted to do. And, then, if I didn’t think I could take it, I’d go in and talk to my counselor about switching classes.

Now I just had to discuss this plan with Miranda. That was a talk I was dreading, for sure. But I couldn’t back down on this, not when it felt so good to know that I wasn’t trapped – that I only had to last a semester. As my AP World History teacher had told us the year before, “You can do anything for one semester.”

And I intended to prove her right. I had to prove her right, because I did have to survive at least this one semester. As much as I loved theater, it was a relief to know that I could cut myself free if I had to.